David Cross quotes

" High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know... " # Age and Aging # Books - Reading # Intelligence and Intellectuals

" I don't remember ordering the Christian sandwich... " # Christians and Christianity

" If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine. " # Adversity # Law and Lawyers # Love

" We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur. " # Internet # Preachers and Preaching # Truth

" I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people. " # Politicians and Politics # Advertising # Love

" James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history. " # Failure # History and Historians # Journalism and Journalists

" Rickey Henderson, pick up the phone, man, it's me... you. " # Bosses and Employees

" In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide, immediately, you have to go "Ohmigod. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world?" " # Mothers # Cities and City Life # Decisions

" The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country. " # Feelings # Irony # America

" (On the Iraq War) I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. [laughter, long pause] No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are... " # School # Politicians and Politics # Tolerance