Jay Leno quotes

" The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. " # Congress # Reason # Drivers and Driving

" If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. " # Elections # Voting # God

" Afterwards, President Bush said, "Maliki is the right man for the job." Just to remind you, Bush also said FEMA's Michael Brown was the right man for the job, Donald Rumsfeld was the right man for the job, Tom DeLay was the right man for the job… which would be okay if Bush was the right man for the job. " # Debt # Politics # President

" The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. " # Cities and City Life # Liberty # Friends and Friendship

" How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak? " # Alienation # Media # Faith

" 106 [degrees] in the valley… I was sweating like Dan Rather checking for forged documents. " # Media # Adversity # Humankind

" I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for "Running off to Canada". " # Nations

" How many watched the President's speech last night? [half-hearted audience applause] How many watched American Idol? [thundering applause] Okay, there you go! You get the government you deserve. " # Government # President # Speech

" So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh— meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?". " # Politics # Worry # President

" A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. […] At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time. " # Politics # President # Courage