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Paul Merton
: "It's silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the South for longer than five minutes, they will try to sell you fruit."
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Paul Merton quote-"It's silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the...
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Paul Merton:
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"It's silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the South for longer than five minutes, they will try to sell you fruit."
"
# Age and Aging
# Friends and Friendship
# Time and Time Management
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Paul Merton:
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"If you stay in a house and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the bannisters. Don't tell me you haven't tried it."
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# Books - Reading
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Paul Merton:
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"My favourite riposte to a heckle is to say, 'Excuse me, I'm trying to work here. How would you like it if I stood yelling down the alley while you're giving blow jobs to transsexuals?'"
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# Women
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Paul Merton:
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"That must have been a rough school!"
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# Education
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Paul Merton:
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"His name is "Angus". The "G" is silent."
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# Silence
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Paul Merton:
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"I think Iran and Iraq had a war simply because their names are so similar. They keep getting each other's post."
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# World Affairs
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# Writers and Writing
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Paul Merton:
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"My hair's got a life of its own. Last week I found it in the kitchen, making an omelette."
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# Age and Aging
# Servants
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Paul Merton:
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"There are various ways to give up smoking — nicotine patches, nicotine gum... my auntie used to pour a gallon of petrol over herself every morning."
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# War
# Smoking
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Paul Merton:
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"My schooldays were the happiest days of my life, which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years."
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# School
# Age and Aging
# Happiness
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Paul Merton:
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"My aunt died at precisely 10.47am and the old grandfather clock stopped at precisely the same time also. It fell on her."
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# Giving
# Time and Time Management
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![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=98936&author=Paul Merton"e=%22It%27s+silly+to+make+generalisations%2C+but+if+you+talk+to+anyone+in+the+South+for+longer+than+five+minutes%2C+they+will+try+to+sell+you+fruit.%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14590%2FPaul_Merton_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=98937&author=Paul Merton"e=%22If+you+stay+in+a+house+and+there+is+no+toilet+paper%2C+you+can+always+slide+down+the+bannisters.+Don%27t+tell+me+you+haven%27t+tried+it.%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14590%2FPaul_Merton_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=98938&author=Paul Merton"e=%22My+favourite+riposte+to+a+heckle+is+to+say%2C+%27Excuse+me%2C+I%27m+trying+to+work+here.+How+would+you+like+it+if+I+stood+yelling+down+the+alley+while+you%27re+giving+blow+jobs+to+transsexuals%3F%27%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14590%2FPaul_Merton_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=98940&author=Paul Merton"e=%22That+must+have+been+a+rough+school%21%22%0A&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14590%2FPaul_Merton_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=98941&author=Paul Merton"e=%22His+name+is+%22Angus%22.+The+%22G%22+is+silent.%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14590%2FPaul_Merton_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=98942&author=Paul Merton"e=%22I+think+Iran+and+Iraq+had+a+war+simply+because+their+names+are+so+similar.+They+keep+getting+each+other%27s+post.%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14590%2FPaul_Merton_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=98943&author=Paul Merton"e=%22My+hair%27s+got+a+life+of+its+own.+Last+week+I+found+it+in+the+kitchen%2C+making+an+omelette.%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14590%2FPaul_Merton_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=98944&author=Paul Merton"e=%22There+are+various+ways+to+give+up+smoking+%E2%80%94+nicotine+patches%2C+nicotine+gum...+my+auntie+used+to+pour+a+gallon+of+petrol+over+herself+every+morning.%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14590%2FPaul_Merton_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=98945&author=Paul Merton"e=%22My+schooldays+were+the+happiest+days+of+my+life%2C+which+should+give+you+some+indication+of+the+misery+I%27ve+endured+over+the+past+twenty-five+years.%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14590%2FPaul_Merton_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=98946&author=Paul Merton"e=%22My+aunt+died+at+precisely+10.47am+and+the+old+grandfather+clock+stopped+at+precisely+the+same+time+also.+It+fell+on+her.%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14590%2FPaul_Merton_64x64.png){kind=link}