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Paul Merton
: "It's silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the South for longer than five minutes, they will try to sell you fruit."
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Paul Merton quote-"It's silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the...
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Paul Merton:
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"It's silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the South for longer than five minutes, they will try to sell you fruit."
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# Age and Aging
# Friends and Friendship
# Time and Time Management
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Paul Merton:
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"If you stay in a house and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the bannisters. Don't tell me you haven't tried it."
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# Books - Reading
# Nations
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Paul Merton:
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"My favourite riposte to a heckle is to say, 'Excuse me, I'm trying to work here. How would you like it if I stood yelling down the alley while you're giving blow jobs to transsexuals?'"
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# Women
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# Excuses
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Paul Merton:
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"That must have been a rough school!"
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# Education
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Paul Merton:
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"His name is "Angus". The "G" is silent."
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# Silence
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Paul Merton:
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"I think Iran and Iraq had a war simply because their names are so similar. They keep getting each other's post."
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# World Affairs
# War
# Writers and Writing
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Paul Merton:
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"My hair's got a life of its own. Last week I found it in the kitchen, making an omelette."
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# Age and Aging
# Servants
# Friends and Friendship
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Paul Merton:
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"There are various ways to give up smoking — nicotine patches, nicotine gum... my auntie used to pour a gallon of petrol over herself every morning."
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# War
# Smoking
# Love
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Paul Merton:
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"My schooldays were the happiest days of my life, which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years."
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# School
# Age and Aging
# Happiness
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Paul Merton:
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"My aunt died at precisely 10.47am and the old grandfather clock stopped at precisely the same time also. It fell on her."
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# Giving
# Time and Time Management
# Death and Dying
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