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CATEGORIES
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Jokes and Jokers
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Humor
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Health
Mitch Hedberg
: We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes. That’s a showbiz term for “Add sugar to”.
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Mitch Hedberg quote-We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes. That’s a showbiz term...
Wisdom feed seeded by this
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Marshall Mcluhan :
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Jokes are grievances.
"
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Gwendolyn Brooks :
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Somebody muffed it?? Somebody wanted to joke.
"
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Jim Morrison :
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They're making a joke of our universe
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67
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George Bernard Shaw :
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My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
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16
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George Orwell :
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A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.
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Aristotle :
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The gods too are fond of a joke.
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Joseph Addison :
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Round-heads and Wooden-shoes are standing jokes.
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George Bernard Shaw :
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Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?
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Frank Dane :
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In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.
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Source Unknown :
"
The average man is proof enough that a woman can take a joke.
"
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Carey Williams :
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Times change. The farmer's daughter now tells jokes about the traveling salesman.
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Mitch Hedberg Wisdom feed
99
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Mitch Hedberg:
"
I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
"
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81
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Mitch Hedberg:
"
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
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# Drugs
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37
tweets
Mitch Hedberg:
"
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
"
# Dreams
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Mitch Hedberg:
"
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
"
# Prophecy
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Mitch Hedberg:
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I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
"
# Complaints and Complaining
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Mitch Hedberg:
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I drank some boiling water 'cause I wanted to whistle.
"
# Alcohol and Alcoholism
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Mitch Hedberg:
"
You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob" right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn." They should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch." But then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together!"
"
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# Death and Dying
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Mitch Hedberg:
"
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "no, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah".
"
# Voting
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Mitch Hedberg:
"
If you have dentures, don't use artificial sweetener, cause you'll get a fake cavity.
"
# Risk
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# Comedy and Comedians
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Mitch Hedberg:
"
I'm an ice sculptor - last night I made a cube.
"
# Money
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![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87274&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=We%27re+gonna+have+to+sweeten+some+of+these+jokes.+That%E2%80%99s+a+showbiz+term+for+%E2%80%9CAdd+sugar+to%E2%80%9D.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=13155&author=Marshall Mcluhan"e=++Jokes+are+grievances.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F649%2FMarshall+Mcluhan_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=71538&author=Gwendolyn Brooks"e=Somebody+muffed+it%3F%3F+Somebody+wanted+to+joke.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F5339%2FGwendolyn_Brooks_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=100501&author=Jim Morrison"e=They%27re+making+a+joke+of+our+universe&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4125%2FJim+Morrison_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=13159&author=George Bernard Shaw"e=++My+way+of+joking+is+to+tell+the+truth.+It%27s+the+funniest+joke+in+the+world.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F8027%2FGeorge_Bernard_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=13156&author=George Orwell"e=++A+dirty+joke+is+a+sort+of+mental+rebellion.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F694%2FGeorge+Orwell_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=46184&author=Aristotle"e=The+gods+too+are+fond+of+a+joke.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F199%2F_Aristotle_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=66175&author=Joseph Addison"e=Round-heads+and+Wooden-shoes+are+standing+jokes.%0A&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F278%2FJoseph_Addison_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=13160&author=George Bernard Shaw"e=++Suppose+the+world+were+only+one+of+God%27s+jokes%2C+would+you+work+any+the+less+to+make+it+a+good+joke+instead+of+a+bad+one%3F&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F8027%2FGeorge_Bernard_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=13148&author=Frank Dane"e=++In+polite+society+one+laughs+at+all+the+jokes%2C+including+the+ones+one+has+heard+before.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F271%2FFrank+Dane_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=13164&author=Source Unknown"e=++The+average+man+is+proof+enough+that+a+woman+can+take+a+joke.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2Fimages_web%2Fauthor_no_icon.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=13165&author=Carey Williams"e=++Times+change.+The+farmer%27s+daughter+now+tells+jokes+about+the+traveling+salesman.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4027%2FCarey+Williams_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87304&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=I+like+rice.+Rice+is+great+when+you%27re+hungry+and+you+want+2%2C000+of+something.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87201&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=I+used+to+do+drugs.+I+still+do%2C+but+I+used+to%2C+too.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87291&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=You+know%2C+I%27m+sick+of+following+my+dreams%2C+man.+I%27m+just+going+to+ask+where+they%27re+going+and+hook+up+with+%27em+later.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87217&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=I%27m+against+picketing%2C+but+I+don%27t+know+how+to+show+it.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87218&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=I+haven%27t+slept+for+ten+days%2C+because+that+would+be+too+long.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87234&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=I+drank+some+boiling+water+%27cause+I+wanted+to+whistle.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87199&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=You+know+they+call+corn-on-the-cob+%22corn-on-the-cob%22+right%3F+But+that%27s+how+it+comes+out+of+the+ground%2C+man.+They+should+call+that+%22corn.%22+They+should+call+every+other+version+%22corn-off-the-cob.%22+It%27s+not+like+if+you+cut+off+my+arm+you+would+call+my+arm+%22Mitch.%22+But+then+reattach+it+and+call+it+%22Mitch-all-together%21%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87205&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=My+friend+asked+me+if+I+wanted+a+frozen+banana%2C+I+said+%22no%2C+but+I+want+a+regular+banana+later%2C+so+...+yeah%22.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87246&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=If+you+have+dentures%2C+don%27t+use+artificial+sweetener%2C+cause+you%27ll+get+a+fake+cavity.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=87244&author=Mitch Hedberg"e=I%27m+an+ice+sculptor+-+last+night+I+made+a+cube.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14122%2FMitch+Hedberg_64x64.png){kind=link}