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Jeff Foxworthy quote-If you've been on television more than five times describing what the tornado... |
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 Jeff Foxworthy Wisdom feed
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Jeff Foxworthy: "
There are so many drugs out there. They advertise this prescription stuff, and I swear, nine times out of ten, the side-effects are fifty times worse than what the thing cures. It's like, "Try new Fluorofluor. For itchy, watery eyes, it's Fluorofluor. Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seporiasoriasis, itching, chafing clothing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworm, excessive body odor, uneven tire wear, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, hammertoe, the shanks, low sperm count, warped floors, cluttered drawers, hunchback, heart attack, low resale value on your home... feline leukemia, athlete's foot, head lice, clubfoot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, anxiety, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, clogged drains, hemorrhoids, dry heaving and sexual dysfunction." I'm watching it, going, "You know what? I'll just have itchy, watery eyes...""
# Age and Aging
# Love
# Life and Living
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Jeff Foxworthy: "
I have two daughters. I live next door to my brother, who has three daughters, so almost every day, I have to drive them to school. And last year, while I was driving them to school, we ran out of gas in the carpool lane because my wife does not realize it's actually legal for women to purchase gasoline, so... But we run out of gas and people are honking the horn and having to back up and go around and the kids are mortified. So the next morning, when I took them, I made sure that tank was as full as it could possibly be, and I pull up to the front of the school, and they have these assistant teachers that help open the door. And I'm not even trying to be funny. I roll down the passenger window and yell out, "I've got gas this morning!""
# Drivers and Driving
# Love
# Teachers and Teaching
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Gift it
_64x64.png "Quotations by Maharaji (Prem Rawat)")
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"e=Reporter%3A+I+was+told+that+probably+the+best+question+to+ask+you%2C+out+of+sincerity%2C+is%3A+who+are+you%3F%0A%0AMaharaj+Ji%3A+...+really+I+can%27t+say+who+I+am.+But%2C+though%2C+there+is+a+very+basic+thing%2C+what+I+feel+about+myself.+And+that+is+that+people+have+been+claiming+me+as+God+or+as+Jesus+or+so+on%2C+and+ah%2C+many+television+people+have+been+asking+this+question%2C+and+this+is+an+interesting+question+of+course.+I+thought+maybe+you+will+interested+in+the+answer.+I+am+not+Jesus+and+I+am+not+God+or+so+on%2C+but+I+am+just+a+humble+servant+of+God%2C+and+I+am+preaching+this+Knowledge%2C+and+it%27s+ideal+of+humanity.+I+don%27t+want+to+form+a+small+sect+or+a+religion.+It%27s+open+thing+to+all.+It%27s+for+all+casts%2C+all+creeds%2C+all+colors.+And+man+is+human%2C+and+it%27s+OK+he+can+receive+it.+And+it%27s+something+that+is+internal%2C+something+that+does+not+interfere+with+any+religion.+And+this+is+the+highest+thing+that+I+am+teaching%2C+about+the+people+of+this+time%2C+today.+I+don%27t+claim+myself+to+be+God.+I+don%27t+claim+myself+to+be+something+like+that%2C+but+I+can+claim+I+can+show+you+God.%0A%0A&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14481%2FMaharaji+%28Prem+Rawat%29_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=103530&author=John Peel"e=%28After+playing+%27Higher+State+Of+Consciousness%27+by+Josh+Wink+for+the+second+time%3A%29+I%27m+sure+I%27m+not+alone+in+thinking+that+sounded+better+when+I+played+it+the+other+night%2C+at+the+wrong+speed.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F9886%2FJohn+Peel_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=119786&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=I+have+never+been+jealous.+Not+even+when+my+dad+finished+fifth+grade+a+year+before+I+did.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82832&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=There+are+so+many+drugs+out+there.+They+advertise+this+prescription+stuff%2C+and+I+swear%2C+nine+times+out+of+ten%2C+the+side-effects+are+fifty+times+worse+than+what+the+thing+cures.+It%27s+like%2C+%22Try+new+Fluorofluor.+For+itchy%2C+watery+eyes%2C+it%27s+Fluorofluor.+Side+effects+may+include%3A+nausea%2C+vomiting%2C+water+weight+gain%2C+lower+back+pain%2C+receding+hairline%2C+eczema%2C+seporiasoriasis%2C+itching%2C+chafing+clothing%2C+liver+spots%2C+blood+clots%2C+ringworm%2C+excessive+body+odor%2C+uneven+tire+wear%2C+pyorrhea%2C+gonorrhea%2C+diarrhea%2C+halitosis%2C+scoliosis%2C+loss+of+bladder+control%2C+hammertoe%2C+the+shanks%2C+low+sperm+count%2C+warped+floors%2C+cluttered+drawers%2C+hunchback%2C+heart+attack%2C+low+resale+value+on+your+home...+feline+leukemia%2C+athlete%27s+foot%2C+head+lice%2C+clubfoot%2C+MS%2C+MD%2C+VD%2C+fleas%2C+anxiety%2C+sleeplessness%2C+drowsiness%2C+poor+gas+mileage%2C+tooth+decay%2C+parvo%2C+warts%2C+unibrow%2C+lazy+eye%2C+fruit+flies%2C+chest+pains%2C+clogged+drains%2C+hemorrhoids%2C+dry+heaving+and+sexual+dysfunction.%22+I%27m+watching+it%2C+going%2C+%22You+know+what%3F+I%27ll+just+have+itchy%2C+watery+eyes...%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
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![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82830&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=You+moon+the+wrong+person+at+an+office+party%2C+and+suddenly+you%27re+not+%22professional%22+any+more.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82831&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=Louisiana+has+the+best+food+on+the+planet+if+you+don%27t+really+ask+too+much+about+what+you%27re+eating.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82833&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=You+take+a+normal+guy%2C+give+him+a+wife%2C+give+them+time%2C+and+you%27ve+got+AN+IDIOT%21&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82834&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=I+have+two+daughters.+I+live+next+door+to+my+brother%2C+who+has+three+daughters%2C+so+almost+every+day%2C+I+have+to+drive+them+to+school.+And+last+year%2C+while+I+was+driving+them+to+school%2C+we+ran+out+of+gas+in+the+carpool+lane+because+my+wife+does+not+realize+it%27s+actually+legal+for+women+to+purchase+gasoline%2C+so...+But+we+run+out+of+gas+and+people+are+honking+the+horn+and+having+to+back+up+and+go+around+and+the+kids+are+mortified.+So+the+next+morning%2C+when+I+took+them%2C+I+made+sure+that+tank+was+as+full+as+it+could+possibly+be%2C+and+I+pull+up+to+the+front+of+the+school%2C+and+they+have+these+assistant+teachers+that+help+open+the+door.+And+I%27m+not+even+trying+to+be+funny.+I+roll+down+the+passenger+window+and+yell+out%2C+%22I%27ve+got+gas+this+morning%21%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82835&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=I+don%27t+know+why+my+brain+has+kept+all+the+words+to+the+Gilligan%27s+Island+theme+song+and+has+deleted+everything+about+triangles.+-+The+Tonight+Show%2C+27+March+2007&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82836&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=Country+music+is+about+new+love+and+it%27s+about+old+love.+It%27s+about+gettin%27+drunk+and+gettin%27+sober.+It%27s+about+leavin%27+and+it%27s+about+comin%27+home.+It%27s+real+music+sung+by+real+people+for+real+people%2C+the+people+that+make+up+the+backbone+of+this+country.+You+can+call+us+rednecks+if+you+want.+We%27re+not+offended%2C+%27cause+we+know+what+we%27re+all+about.+We+get+up+and+go+to+work%2C+we+get+up+and+go+to+church%2C+and+we+get+up+and+go+to+war+when+necessary.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}