Groucho Marx Video

What is the use of running when we are on the wrong.

Live every day like it's your last.

I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud.

Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.

The theory community, myself included - became rather troubled about the particle.

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

If a white man falls off a chair drunk, it's just a drunk. If a Negro does, it's the whole damn Negro race.

People in England are so bloody nosy.

That the public can grow accustomed to any face is proved by the increasing prevalence of Keith's ruined physiognomy on TV documentaries and chat shows, as familiar and homely a horror as Grandpa in The Munsters.

I like to sing ballads the way Eddie Fisher does and the way Perry Como does. But the way I'm singing now is what makes the money.

I just don't know why they're shooting at us. All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread. Transplant the American dream. Freedom. Achievement. Hyperacidity. Affluence. Flatulence. Technology. Tension. The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back. ~Hawkeye, M*A*S*H, "O.R."

You know, we've got to do it someday... throw away all the guns and invite all the jokers from the North and the South in here to a cocktail party... last man standing on his feet at the end wins the war.

If there were only one truth, you couldn't paint a hundred canvases on the same theme.

"My music is best understood by children and animals."

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering and it's all over much too soon.

The cinema is truth twenty-four times a second.