Steve Martin Video

The nuclear arms race is like two people sitting in a pool of gasoline spending all their time making matches.

The goal is to live a full, productive life even with all that ambiguity. No matter what happens, whether the cancer never flares up again or whether you die, the important thing is that the days that you have had you will have lived.

Friends are great and always seem to work by the appropriate will of God.

I don't get acting jobs because of my looks.

I'm a charming coward; I fight with words.

A film is -- or should be -- more like music than like fiction. It should be a progression of moods and feelings. The theme, what's behind the emotion, the meaning, all that comes later.

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

Anyone who wants to run has to be a Jimmy Swaggart, minus the default.

Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

I see myself as 38, but you don't notice it.

I must say the biggest lesson you can learn in life, or teach your children, is that life is not castles in the skies, happily ever after. The biggest lesson we have to give our children is truth.

People may or may not say what they mean... but they always say something designed to get what they want.

Fail, fail again, fail better.

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending

Growing up, I wanted desperately to please, to be a good girl.

Let us learn to appreciate there will be times when the trees will be bare, and look forward to the time when we may pick the fruit.

I drink a lot of Diet Coke and belch. I've been known to use the f word.

Vibrators. I think they are great. They keep you out of stupid sex. I'd pitch them to anybody.

May you live as long as you want and not want as long as you live.