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Jeff Foxworthy
: If you refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year".
# Upbringing
# Education
# Books - Reading
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Jeff Foxworthy quote-If you refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year". ...
Wisdom feed seeded by this
quote
Be First To
William Golding :
"
The very day after I learned that I was the laureate for literature for 1983 I drove into a country town and parked my car where I should not. I only left the car for a few minutes but when I came back there was a ticket taped to the window. A traffic warden, a lady of a minatory aspect, stood by the car. She pointed to a notice on the wall. "Can't you read?" she said. Sheepishly I got into my car and drove very slowly round the corner. There on the pavement I saw two county policemen. I stopped opposite them and took my parking ticket out of its plastic envelope. They crossed to me. I asked if, as I had pressing business, I could go straight to the Town Hall and pay my fine on the spot. "No, sir," said the senior policeman, "I'm afraid you can't do that." He smiled the fond smile that such policemen reserve for those people who are clearly harmless if a bit silly. He indicated a rectangle on the ticket that had the words 'name and address of sender' printed above it. "You should write your name and address in that place," he said. "You make out a cheque for ten pounds, making it payable to the Clerk to the Justices at this address written here. Then you write the same address on the outside of the envelope, stick a sixteen penny stamp in the top right hand corner of the envelope, then post it. And may we congratulate you on winning the Nobel Prize for Literature."
"
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Be First To
Jeff Foxworthy :
"
If you refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year".
"
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Be First To
Henry David Thoreau :
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I have lived some thirty-odd years on this planet, and I have yet to hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from my seniors.
"
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1
tweets
Dean Smith :
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The focus should be on the players. I'm here a long time. You can call me in the summer. Our seniors will be gone.
"
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Be First To
Henry David Thoreau :
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I have lived some thirty years on this planet and I have yet to hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from my seniors.
"
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Milton Friedman :
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With respect to teachers' salaries .... Poor teachers are grossly overpaid and good teachers grossly underpaid. Salary schedules tend to be uniform and determined far more by seniority.
"
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Bel Kaufman :
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Like most chairmen, he teaches only one class of Seniors; the most experienced teachers are frequently promoted right out of the classroom!
"
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Vladimir Ilyich Lenin :
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For any truth, if overdone (as Dietzgen Senior put it), if exaggerated, or if carried beyond the limits of its applicability, can be reduced to absurdity.
"
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David Lodge :
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Looking around at the faces of his colleagues in the Senior Common Room he felt reassured: not a Lineament of Gratified Desire to be seen.
"
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John Peel :
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In earlier days there were times when senior management at Radio One seemed to be rather surprised that I walked upright and used knives and forks.
"
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John Ralston Saul :
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In all earlier civilizations, it should be remembered, commerce was treated as a narrow activity and by no means the senior sector in society.
"
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Jeff Foxworthy Wisdom feed
30
tweets
Jeff Foxworthy:
"
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
"
# Quotations
# Jealousy
# Love
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Jeff Foxworthy:
"
There are so many drugs out there. They advertise this prescription stuff, and I swear, nine times out of ten, the side-effects are fifty times worse than what the thing cures. It's like, "Try new Fluorofluor. For itchy, watery eyes, it's Fluorofluor. Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seporiasoriasis, itching, chafing clothing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworm, excessive body odor, uneven tire wear, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, hammertoe, the shanks, low sperm count, warped floors, cluttered drawers, hunchback, heart attack, low resale value on your home... feline leukemia, athlete's foot, head lice, clubfoot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, anxiety, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, clogged drains, hemorrhoids, dry heaving and sexual dysfunction." I'm watching it, going, "You know what? I'll just have itchy, watery eyes..."
"
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5
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Jeff Foxworthy:
"
I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.
"
# Jealousy
# Books - Reading
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2
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Jeff Foxworthy:
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they'll spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
"
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Jeff Foxworthy:
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You moon the wrong person at an office party, and suddenly you're not "professional" any more.
"
# Politicians and Politics
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Jeff Foxworthy:
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Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.
"
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Jeff Foxworthy:
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You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!
"
# Marriage
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Jeff Foxworthy:
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I have two daughters. I live next door to my brother, who has three daughters, so almost every day, I have to drive them to school. And last year, while I was driving them to school, we ran out of gas in the carpool lane because my wife does not realize it's actually legal for women to purchase gasoline, so... But we run out of gas and people are honking the horn and having to back up and go around and the kids are mortified. So the next morning, when I took them, I made sure that tank was as full as it could possibly be, and I pull up to the front of the school, and they have these assistant teachers that help open the door. And I'm not even trying to be funny. I roll down the passenger window and yell out, "I've got gas this morning!"
"
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# Teachers and Teaching
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Jeff Foxworthy:
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I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles. - The Tonight Show, 27 March 2007
"
# Computers
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Jeff Foxworthy:
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Country music is about new love and it's about old love. It's about gettin' drunk and gettin' sober. It's about leavin' and it's about comin' home. It's real music sung by real people for real people, the people that make up the backbone of this country. You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.
"
# Adversity
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![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82898&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=If+you+refer+to+the+fifth+grade+as+%22my+senior+year%22.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=84710&author=William Golding"e=The+very+day+after+I+learned+that+I+was+the+laureate+for+literature+for+1983+I+drove+into+a+country+town+and+parked+my+car+where+I+should+not.+I+only+left+the+car+for+a+few+minutes+but+when+I+came+back+there+was+a+ticket+taped+to+the+window.+A+traffic+warden%2C+a+lady+of+a+minatory+aspect%2C+stood+by+the+car.+She+pointed+to+a+notice+on+the+wall.+%22Can%27t+you+read%3F%22+she+said.+Sheepishly+I+got+into+my+car+and+drove+very+slowly+round+the+corner.+There+on+the+pavement+I+saw+two+county+policemen.%0AI+stopped+opposite+them+and+took+my+parking+ticket+out+of+its+plastic+envelope.+They+crossed+to+me.+I+asked+if%2C+as+I+had+pressing+business%2C+I+could+go+straight+to+the+Town+Hall+and+pay+my+fine+on+the+spot.+%22No%2C+sir%2C%22+said+the+senior+policeman%2C+%22I%27m+afraid+you+can%27t+do+that.%22+He+smiled+the+fond+smile+that+such+policemen+reserve+for+those+people+who+are+clearly+harmless+if+a+bit+silly.+He+indicated+a+rectangle+on+the+ticket+that+had+the+words+%27name+and+address+of+sender%27+printed+above+it.+%22You+should+write+your+name+and+address+in+that+place%2C%22+he+said.+%22You+make+out+a+cheque+for+ten+pounds%2C+making+it+payable+to+the+Clerk+to+the+Justices+at+this+address+written+here.+Then+you+write+the+same+address+on+the+outside+of+the+envelope%2C+stick+a+sixteen+penny+stamp+in+the+top+right+hand+corner+of+the+envelope%2C+then+post+it.+And+may+we+congratulate+you+on+winning+the+Nobel+Prize+for+Literature.%22%0A&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F1530%2FWilliam+Golding_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=397&author=Henry David Thoreau"e=++I+have+lived+some+thirty-odd+years+on+this+planet%2C+and+I+have+yet+to+hear+the+first+syllable+of+valuable+or+even+earnest+advice+from+my+seniors.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F8209%2FHenry+David+Thoreau_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=21524&author=Dean Smith"e=++The+focus+should+be+on+the+players.+I%27m+here+a+long+time.+You+can+call+me+in+the+summer.+Our+seniors+will+be+gone.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F1956%2FDean_Smith_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=57923&author=Henry David Thoreau"e=I+have+lived+some+thirty+years+on+this+planet+and+I+have+yet+to+hear+the+first+syllable+of+valuable+or+even+earnest+advice+from+my+seniors.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F8209%2FHenry+David+Thoreau_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=83156&author=Milton Friedman"e=With+respect+to+teachers%27+salaries+....+Poor+teachers+are+grossly+overpaid+and+good+teachers+grossly+underpaid.+Salary+schedules+tend+to+be+uniform+and+determined+far+more+by+seniority.%0A&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F2351%2FMilton_Friedman_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=92269&author=Bel Kaufman"e=Like+most+chairmen%2C+he+teaches+only+one+class+of+Seniors%3B+the+most+experienced+teachers+are+frequently+promoted+right+out+of+the+classroom%21%0A&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14294%2FBel+Kaufman_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=94884&author=Vladimir Ilyich Lenin"e=For+any+truth%2C+if+overdone+%28as+Dietzgen+Senior+put+it%29%2C+if+exaggerated%2C+or+if+carried+beyond+the+limits+of+its+applicability%2C+can+be+reduced+to+absurdity.%0A&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F2392%2FVladimir+Ilyich_Lenin_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=95707&author=David Lodge"e=Looking+around+at+the+faces+of+his+colleagues+in+the+Senior+Common+Room+he+felt+reassured%3A+not+a+Lineament+of+Gratified+Desire+to+be+seen.%0A&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4160%2FDavid+Lodge_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=103533&author=John Peel"e=In+earlier+days+there+were+times+when+senior+management+at+Radio+One+seemed+to+be+rather+surprised+that+I+walked+upright+and+used+knives+and+forks.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F9886%2FJohn+Peel_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=108049&author=John Ralston Saul"e=In+all+earlier+civilizations%2C+it+should+be+remembered%2C+commerce+was+treated+as+a+narrow+activity+and+by+no+means+the+senior+sector+in+society.%0A&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F14995%2FJohn+Ralston_Saul_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=119786&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=I+have+never+been+jealous.+Not+even+when+my+dad+finished+fifth+grade+a+year+before+I+did.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82832&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=There+are+so+many+drugs+out+there.+They+advertise+this+prescription+stuff%2C+and+I+swear%2C+nine+times+out+of+ten%2C+the+side-effects+are+fifty+times+worse+than+what+the+thing+cures.+It%27s+like%2C+%22Try+new+Fluorofluor.+For+itchy%2C+watery+eyes%2C+it%27s+Fluorofluor.+Side+effects+may+include%3A+nausea%2C+vomiting%2C+water+weight+gain%2C+lower+back+pain%2C+receding+hairline%2C+eczema%2C+seporiasoriasis%2C+itching%2C+chafing+clothing%2C+liver+spots%2C+blood+clots%2C+ringworm%2C+excessive+body+odor%2C+uneven+tire+wear%2C+pyorrhea%2C+gonorrhea%2C+diarrhea%2C+halitosis%2C+scoliosis%2C+loss+of+bladder+control%2C+hammertoe%2C+the+shanks%2C+low+sperm+count%2C+warped+floors%2C+cluttered+drawers%2C+hunchback%2C+heart+attack%2C+low+resale+value+on+your+home...+feline+leukemia%2C+athlete%27s+foot%2C+head+lice%2C+clubfoot%2C+MS%2C+MD%2C+VD%2C+fleas%2C+anxiety%2C+sleeplessness%2C+drowsiness%2C+poor+gas+mileage%2C+tooth+decay%2C+parvo%2C+warts%2C+unibrow%2C+lazy+eye%2C+fruit+flies%2C+chest+pains%2C+clogged+drains%2C+hemorrhoids%2C+dry+heaving+and+sexual+dysfunction.%22+I%27m+watching+it%2C+going%2C+%22You+know+what%3F+I%27ll+just+have+itchy%2C+watery+eyes...%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=13049&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=++I%27ve+never+been+jealous.+Not+even+when+my+dad+finished+the+fifth+grade+a+year+before+I+did.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82837&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=Did+you+know+babies+are+nauseated+by+the+smell+of+a+clean+shirt%3F+You+put+on+something+from+the+cleaners%2C+they%27ll+spit+up+just+like+that.+My+wardrobe+looks+like+we+have+condors+living+in+our+yard.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82830&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=You+moon+the+wrong+person+at+an+office+party%2C+and+suddenly+you%27re+not+%22professional%22+any+more.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82831&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=Louisiana+has+the+best+food+on+the+planet+if+you+don%27t+really+ask+too+much+about+what+you%27re+eating.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82833&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=You+take+a+normal+guy%2C+give+him+a+wife%2C+give+them+time%2C+and+you%27ve+got+AN+IDIOT%21&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82834&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=I+have+two+daughters.+I+live+next+door+to+my+brother%2C+who+has+three+daughters%2C+so+almost+every+day%2C+I+have+to+drive+them+to+school.+And+last+year%2C+while+I+was+driving+them+to+school%2C+we+ran+out+of+gas+in+the+carpool+lane+because+my+wife+does+not+realize+it%27s+actually+legal+for+women+to+purchase+gasoline%2C+so...+But+we+run+out+of+gas+and+people+are+honking+the+horn+and+having+to+back+up+and+go+around+and+the+kids+are+mortified.+So+the+next+morning%2C+when+I+took+them%2C+I+made+sure+that+tank+was+as+full+as+it+could+possibly+be%2C+and+I+pull+up+to+the+front+of+the+school%2C+and+they+have+these+assistant+teachers+that+help+open+the+door.+And+I%27m+not+even+trying+to+be+funny.+I+roll+down+the+passenger+window+and+yell+out%2C+%22I%27ve+got+gas+this+morning%21%22&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82835&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=I+don%27t+know+why+my+brain+has+kept+all+the+words+to+the+Gilligan%27s+Island+theme+song+and+has+deleted+everything+about+triangles.+-+The+Tonight+Show%2C+27+March+2007&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}
![Powerpoint](http://www.iwise.com/downloadPPT.php?quote_id=82836&author=Jeff Foxworthy"e=Country+music+is+about+new+love+and+it%27s+about+old+love.+It%27s+about+gettin%27+drunk+and+gettin%27+sober.+It%27s+about+leavin%27+and+it%27s+about+comin%27+home.+It%27s+real+music+sung+by+real+people+for+real+people%2C+the+people+that+make+up+the+backbone+of+this+country.+You+can+call+us+rednecks+if+you+want.+We%27re+not+offended%2C+%27cause+we+know+what+we%27re+all+about.+We+get+up+and+go+to+work%2C+we+get+up+and+go+to+church%2C+and+we+get+up+and+go+to+war+when+necessary.&image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.iwise.com%2FauthorIcons%2F4005%2FJeff_Foxworthy_64x64.png){kind=link}